Inconvenient Timing

I am pretty regular, which used to amuse Chuck no end. He used to say that he was regular in being not regular at all.
Most mornings I go to the bathroom to do number two
and almost every time I am sitting there, shorts around my ankles
the mutts will break out in a hysterical fit of barking.
These days I am about the only person living here on the hill, all the other houses empty and for sale or just being used a few weeks a year, so it is of interest to me to know what happens in the street.
I have, then, two options.
I can try and ignore the beasts and end up with bleeding ulcers and a heart failure or
I can push and wipe and run to the door with my shorts around my ankles and find, in most cases, it was nothing.
There is of course a third option.
Get rid of the worthless mutts.