The little things

Its the little things that get you. The empty food bowl that will never be used again. The blanket he used, the joy he had when I whispered the magic word......walkies, and how he , unlike the mutts who scampered hither and thither, always was like some little gray shadow walking close to me, and the feeling of a gentle nudge when sitting at the computer, where he would place himself in easy reach for a scratch or a pat on the head. Content.
The little things that were uniquely him.
I am going to miss them very much, indeed.

I am not doing well. I am not doing well at all.
I thought that opening and imbibing a carton of cheap wine would help
well, it did not.
I can still smell the smell of Toby, and I can still see the places where he liked to rest. And I can still see where he chose to lie for his final moments.
And the unlovable mutts are totally ignorant of the demise of Toby.
Blast them.
I want them gone.

Toby the Schnauzer 1999--2009

He was maybe not the brightest crayon in the box, but he sure knew how to love, and he was a gentle soul who allowed his house to be invaded by a gang of mutts after his friend of many years, Asta the Scottie died.
Now he is dead too.
He died lying on the front stairs, seeing the trees and hearing the sounds of the jungle.
He had been doing poorly for a while and I had decided that Monday we would go the vet, he and I.
Now there is no need.
He is resting next to his friend, Asta.
Rest In Peace.

Goldang-it, I said to myself, just do it.
If not now, I said, then when ?.
I am very good at platitudes when I talk to myself.
So I did it. I painted my front door red.
There it is. And I love it.
My red front door.

I just had an argument with myself.
And the subject ? Well.....I went to town this morning and got some much needed stuff for the house, including a new supply of cheap wine.
And so I thought, it being Tuesday and all, that I would start the imbibing a bit earlier; a lot earlier in fact.
So there was a discussion-- better than an argument--and to facilitate this, I opened a new carton of cheap wine.
That kind of blew the side for moderation and patience.
Aw Schucks.......

Most amazing insects. They start out their lives as black and when they die, they slowly turn this bronze color and look very much like Egyptian scarabs. Most amazing.

Gourmet Magazine

I remember so clearly how Chuck and I would fight over who should read the latest edition of Gourmet Magazine first. And who should have the chance to make one of the recipes in this bible of good food.
And how regretful I felt when, many years after his death, I moved the stash of Gourmet Magazines out of the cupboard and down to the garage.
And now it is going to stop. No more monthly joys, no more a secure source for good food and quaint stories and complicated, but tasteful, recipes.
I am glad that Chuck did not have to see this.
Whenever I search for a recipe and find it originating at Gourmet, I shall think of him and his absolute love of all things of taste.
So rest in peace, Gourmet Magazine. We shall never forget you.